called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
