I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
The police scanner is talking about you again....
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
