My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
