I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
sick fucks of a feather flock together
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
