no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
