i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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