I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
There are leaves in my underwear?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
