so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
