i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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