She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
