I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
