dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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