Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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