Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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