Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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