and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
