our cab driver is having phone sex.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
a search helicopter?!
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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