you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
