How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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