okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
