I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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