I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
