Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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