Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
