Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
