there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Who wears a wallet chain?!
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Someone came in the potted fern
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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