I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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