Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize