hell yes lets make some ravioli
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
