I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
