I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize