Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
