I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
