census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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