he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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