First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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