Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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