I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
