Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
