shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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