If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
