There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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