plz talk dirty to me
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
