it hurts more in the daytime
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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