Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Sext me about skeletons
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize