Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Congratulations! We have a period
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