I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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