How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
