you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
