Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
