My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
