its not stalking. its research.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
