Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
