we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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