Banned from zoo.
Again?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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