it wasn't lemon gatorade
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
