i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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