whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
