now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
