I want to walk on stilts...naked
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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