How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
