Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
