My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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