my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
did i just pee glitter
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
