..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize