i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Let's get the cat blown out
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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