if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
