So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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