I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
