i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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