dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
