I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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